Mood:
lyricalNow Playing: Only one - Yellowcard
Topic: Mind
I woke up today and I knew I wasn't going to do it. You see, I was supposed to go to a soccer clinic today, but my friends that would have been there aren't here, one is at her cabin the other one doesn't do anything so I didn't know if she was going or not and I really didn't care. So I walked out of my room in slippers and I was like whatever, and my mom was all like "Why are you in your slippers?" And I said "I don't want to go." And like I knew she would, got pissed. She's always pissed so why should I give a shit? I just told her I didn't want to, she didn't say why, she just assumed I was being a little bitch. She doesn't know anything about me. I didn't want to because I was afraid I was going to be the worst player there, I wouldn't know anyone, and I would be the slowest. If you haven't figured it out by now soccer is a big part of my life, I'm not good at anything, I have nothing, soccer is what I do, not that I'm really good at it it's just my thing I guess. I don't know how to explain it. If I was bad I was going to have to do what I always do, joke about everything I do and make other people laugh while slowly being torn apart by my own low self confidence. People think I'm just fine when I start kidding about things but really I'm being ripped to peices on the inside. Really at soul and heart I'm nothing more than a lonely, broken, depressed. pathetic person... I don't know who I am! As far as anyone else is concerned I'm no one. It's killing me, I've attempted suicide about 3-4 times. The only times I remember are in third and fourth grade, also once last summer I wrote a suicide note that time. The only thing that keeps me living is my friends, my family is worth shit to me and I to them. Well life will go on I guess...
